Ambivalence

You meet people of all sorts throughout your life. Some of these people that you come across touch you in some or the other way and the others just form a part of your subconscious memory. This statement reminds me of the thought that formed the introduction of Albom’s book, “The Five People You Meet in Heaven”. But I did not want to write about the people I would want to meet in heaven. The reason that I commenced putting down this thought is that I just wanted to write, for no reason whatsoever, and the only thing that seemed most intriguing at this moment was the thought of people.

People have the ability to make you feel a lot of emotions. People make you feel loved, people make you sad, people make you jealous, people make you competitive, people make you lascivious, people make you happy but I think it is only nature that can give you peace. I could be wrong about this for the simple reason that I am still to find the one person in my life that can bring in certainty in my ambiguous universe. Probably that is how it feels to be in love-peaceful. Then just to take that thought forward I believe that the ultimate peace potion would be the concoction of nature and love with a dash of happy memories.

Away from all these thoughts on peace and love (I must add that after the brief rendezvous with hippiedom in Goa, my thoughts are constantly revolving around “peace and love”) there are the people who are disturbed and restless. These people that I am talking about are the people that you meet in your everyday life. The people include: the sweating people fighting for space in the local trains of Mumbai, the people who pick up a fight with the BEST conductor for a change of four rupees, the harrowed looking rickshaw driver who takes you from your home to the station, the scared cab driver from Jaunpur, UP who ferries you from CST to Cuffe Parade, the waiter at the café who is cursing you behind your back because you did not leave him a good tip, the woman sitting next to you in the office cubicle who has to not only keep up with the deadlines from work but also do all the home chores or else receive flak from her in-laws, the cops who try their best to manage the traffic at all the major junctions in the city along with curbing the crime rate but also provide for their family from the humble monthly wages that they receive, the person sitting next to you at the airport and ferociously typing something on his laptop and at the same time balancing the phone and the cheese sandwich, the politician, from whichever party, who is trying to put himself on a pedestal just before the elections and at the same time will stoop really low to even instigating the killing of innocent people, the killed person’s family for whom their only source of hope and dreams is vanished, the daily wage workers who are employed by the BMC to repair the roads and the sewers, toil in the sun all day to get run over by some rich person’s BMW in the night, the rich people manipulating the lives of themselves and the ones around them………………………………………………………………..

The dotted line is for the other billion categories of people who have not been mentioned here. The thought that I want to highlight here is that there are people who are running towards their goals (read: more money, fame power) but do not realize that all this is not going to be a part of their “last breath flashes”. I may sound very ascetic now, but these are my thoughts and I cannot possibly ignore them. Do these people who manage to achieve everything in their lives, happy? Are they peaceful?

From the kind of the people that have been mentioned above, I believe that not a single of them seemed at peace or happy. Probably the magical peace potion is the answer to all their worries.

I would like to conclude this thought process on the note of my ambition of “Peace and Love”. If by some stroke of luck and focus, I am able to set up an NGO of my own which will be called Peace and Love, I promise that the NGO will work towards providing “the potion” to all the people. The world all over needs love and love would come from peace or vice versa….there are minds like me out there thinking the same thought but are not oriented together currently….once that happens…action on those….Inshallah dreams will come true….paradise everywhere…blooming hearts….Amen to that!

PS: If all that was said does happen, what next after Utopia? What will keep us going?

Something to Satisfy My Conscience...

On 16th October 2008, at Jogeshwari railway station I come across a 10-11 year old boy who is also a 'idli-chutney' vendor. What caught my attention towards him was his sobbing.
Me: "kya hua...kyon ro raha hai....?"
Kid: "Muncipalty ne fine maara (sobs)....seth bahut maarega abhi ( more sobs)...."
Me: " arre...tu kyon tension leta hai...seth ko bol na ki aisa aisa hua..."
Kid: ......( no answer anly more tears)....
Me ( who was now almost ready to pay him the money): " fine kitna tha....?"
Kid ( staring straight into my eyes): "...seth maarega... (loud sobbing)...."
Me ( half hearted talk now as my train was almost on the platform): " life mein itna tension mat le...kuch nahi hoga ..."

After saying this I put an arm over his shoulder, a light squeeze and then run off to catch my train.

Did I do the right thing? Should I have coaxed him more to tell me how much the fine was, so i could have paid that off? Were my words empty? Did he understand what I was trying to tell him? If I would have paid the money, then would he have turned into a confident individual in the future ( this is a vague thought)? Did I pursue him enough?

I could not give answers to any of these questions.

The following mail was written to Children Walking Tall, a Goa based NGO who serve the needs of the street children. While writing this the thought of the "Kid" was playing in my mind.

Dear People from Children Walking Tall/ The Mango House,

I regularly read the newsletters that I receive from you. The work that is done by the members of Children Walking Tall for the kids is really overwhelming and praise worthy. As my thoughts move in the direction of appreciating the efforts that go in taking care of The Mango House, also at the same time I feel envious of the fact that I cannot be a part of the activities that are working for the benefit of The Mango House.

I know that I can remotely be part of the entire scene by probably donating a certain amount of money towards the organization; but it is reasons known to me that I am not comfortable with that kind of contribution. I want to be an active volunteer for your organization, come down there at Mapusa and interact with the kids there but it is the social rat race in Mumbai that is shackling me from acting on my thoughts.

You must be thinking that as to why this person, who is not doing much or not even planning to do much in the near future, writing to us about his thoughts. I am writing this because by doing this activity I want to a part of The Mango House albeit a very passive one, but none the less a part of the spirit of Children Walking Tall.

It is a promise I've made to my conscience that someday I will actively volunteer for Children Walking Tall to help spread a smile on the faces of the children. But till that time Children Walking Tall/The Mango House will always be in my thoughts and my prayers.

I apologize to you if in some way by writing down my thoughts to you I have come across as a "selfish" individual and thus agonized you.

Keep up with the selfless work that is done by you..... not only does it help the children be happy but it also puts a smile on my face....

Peace and love,
Ronak

P.S: Believe me I am not selfish nor a person who talks big and does nothing!